10 things that I have that I don’t need

Monday, August 23, 2010

1) Painted pottery that I painted: they’re ugly
2) CDs:  it feels odd to throw them away
3) Clothes that don’t fit me: cause you never know
4) A fluffy pink dog toy: I don’t have a dog
5) Frozen vegetables: I buy them thinking I “should” eat them, but never do
6) Lots of hotel mini-bottles of shampoo I’ve collected: I’ve never used them
7) Self-tanning crème: I have three bottles and keep waiting to try it, but I’m afraid I’ll turn orange
8) Body fat: I don’t need it, but it’s there anyway
9) Round styling bushes:  I never blow-out my hair, and if I want it straight, I’d use a straightening iron
10) My 100 bottles of nail polish: but I love them!!

Yenta and the Homeless Man, Part 2

Monday, August 2, 2010

Okay, I’ll start by wondering out loud: Can we still use the word “Homeless” or is everything so PC that we are now using “Residentially Challenged?” Anyway, I ran into David again this past weekend on the way to the gym. I crossed the street and he came up to me smiling, “Mildred, right?” he asked.  “No, it’s Loren” I said.  “Oh, I should have remembered that, my mother’s name is Louise,” he said still smiling.  “David, right?  How are you?” I asked, immediately thinking: Dumb dumb, dumb, Loren. You can’t ask a homeless man how he is – that’s just stupid. Ugh!  But he still smiled, said he was fine and asked how I was.  I said that I hadn’t seen him in awhile (but then again, I’ve hardly been to the gym in the last month or so). He told me that he’s been hanging out in Century City – hmm…how posh, I thought?!  “I have the CD for you.” (Wow, he remembered!) Oh yes!  Cut to earlier that morning: I was about to leave for the gym when I realized the workout pants I was wearing didn’t have pockets, so I took out a waist purse and scoured my wallet for a $5 bill – I thought I should be prepared. Good thing I was… BTW, David has a stage name – Crown Nite. “Oh great, I brought $5,” I quickly blurted, acting surprisingly nervous. “I can’t wait to listen.” I fumbled through our odd transaction and walked away, still with some guilt, but glad I bought his CD…now I just have to listen to it. 

The Yenta and the Homeless Man

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Is it wrong to flirt with a homeless man?  Oh wait, I should be clear here – he’s been flirting with me…but I accept the flirting. I can’t be mean to someone standing on a corner with a sign.  Just to explain how lame I can be - I can’t even get myself to look at what he writes on that piece of cardboard. Plus, he now has a name – it’s David.

The background story:  I walk to the gym.  I used to go five days a week, but with my latest job, I’m lucky if I get there even twice a week. On my route to the gym I pass a corner that is very popular with the homeless population. I’ve been doing this walk for the past three years and there have been different “regulars.” David is now a regular.  He told me his name last week. I don’t know what I was expecting, but not “David.” It just sounded so normal, so regular…

With all the “regulars” I pass, I always try to say “hello” or “good morning.” More people should do that. Sometimes I just wave.  When I do walk by and wave, David often shouts at me, “I love your smile” or “Don’t workout too hard. I like your body the way it is.” Sweet, huh?!?  Or a little creepy? Anyway…

So, I finally stopped to talk with him, afraid to have an actual conversation but always wondering why is this guy standing on a corner? How can I have a conversation with someone who is clearly in need to help – someone who needs more help that I can give them? David called me out for not saying “hello” to him last week as I walked down the street with my sister.  He was right. I did try to walk by quickly and pretended not see him.  Ugh, I’m afraid to even acknowledge the reason why I might have done that.

Today, he pulled out some CDs and said, “This is what I do.” The CD he held in his hand contained stories he had written and pictures he’d created. “I sell them for $5,” David told me. He wanted to give me one but I said I couldn’t accept it because he should keep them to give to people who can really help him with his career. The sad part is that I did have $5 in my pocket. I was keeping it for the Coffee Bean latte that I really wanted after my workout. We said our goodbyes and after my workout I felt like a total loser. But I skipped the coffee and headed back toward home quickly, knowing I would buy his CD instead. 

As I turned the corner and David wasn’t there, I felt really sad.  I wondered where he went and if I missed something special on his CD.  So, I promised myself to always carry $5 on me should I ever see him again…Yenta out. 

Big-ASS Pants

Monday, April 19, 2010

Dear Old Navy,

Thank you for making pants that fit my big ass.  I appreciate that you design pants that fit my wide and enormous ass.  I especially like it when they are low-waisted – it seems to make my ass look a bit more normal.  Also, it’s so great that your clothing is affordable, as I’m always hoping that my ass will shrink and I can keep buying more and smaller size pants. I love the cargo pants with the big pockets, tassels, etc. – anything to distract people from the vastness of my ass.

Old Navy – I salute you!

Love,

The Yenta

IT’S BLANK SCREEN DAY 2010!!  TURN OFF THE INTERNET FOR THE WORLD!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Internet is close to capacity.
Here is what you can do to help!

Today is Blank Screen day.  It’s your opportunity to help share precious internet bandwidth with people who need it desperately. Won’t you join us in pledging to participate?

Research at MIT shows that the Internet is dangerously close to capacity.

As part of the global effort to conserve the Internet, people all over the world have agreed to switch off for one hour today. You don’t need to go to such extremes:  any one hour of going offline during normal business hours will provide precious bandwidth to those who most need it.

Why is this so important? Americans comprise less than 5% of the world’s population, yet use more than 25% of the world’s internet capacity. People in the developing nations who are eager to join the global conversation and the international marketplace will never be able to get online while some others are sucking up all available bandwidth playing online poker and and checking out cute pet videos. Think about it: One hour of your Internet silence could help a fashion-starved villager get through to Saks.com.
Please consider joining us today in this crusade.

I’m totally in - hope you find it in your hearts to join this worthy cause!

http://blankscreenday.org/
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=109763552382167

IT’S BLANK SCREEN DAY 2010!!  TURN OFF THE INTERNET FOR THE WORLD!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Internet is close to capacity.
Here is what you can do to help!

Today is Blank Screen day.  It’s your opportunity to help share precious internet bandwidth with people who need it desperately. Won’t you join us in pledging to participate?

Research at MIT shows that the Internet is dangerously close to capacity.

As part of the global effort to conserve the Internet, people all over the world have agreed to switch off for one hour today. You don’t need to go to such extremes:  any one hour of going offline during normal business hours will provide precious bandwidth to those who most need it.

Why is this so important? Americans comprise less than 5% of the world’s population, yet use more than 25% of the world’s internet capacity. People in the developing nations who are eager to join the global conversation and the international marketplace will never be able to get online while some others are sucking up all available bandwidth playing online poker and and checking out cute pet videos. Think about it: One hour of your Internet silence could help a fashion-starved villager get through to Saks.com.
Please consider joining us today in this crusade.

I’m totally in - hope you find it in your hearts to join this worthy cause!

http://blankscreenday.org/
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=109763552382167

How Prepared Are You?

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

I decided to re-post this blog entry - c’mon people be prepared!

Yes, Los Angeles has earthquakes!  How prepared are you??  Lucky for you, I’m here to offer some tips and hopefully motivate you to take some action!

1) Have a kit of emergency supplies. My favorite kit can be bought directly from The Red Cross.  You can buy it online or at your local Red Cross.

2) Make a plan with your family.  Choose a convenient place to meet, should you be separated.  Pick a friend of family member outside of California to call – since local lines will be tied up.  Always keep at least a quarter of a tank of gas in your car, in case you need to leave the area.

3) Have a special place where you keep all your essential documents (drivers license/ID cards, passports, birth certificates, immunization records, RX list for each family member, insurance policies, cash, bank account and credit card numbers, and company phone numbers.)Keep copies of everything in a plastic bag and put in your kit - or scan all the documents and keep in a file on a web-based storage space. An online backup of your computer contents is a good idea, too.  Try a company like Mozy.

Okay, this might seems obvious – but don’t sleep naked!  You never know if you might need to leap out of bed in the middle of the night.  Though this could be amusing for others, it may not be for you!  Keep an extra pair of shoes by your bed, in case there’s broken glass on your exit path.  Lastly, your bed should be a sacred space.  Don’t hang anything on the wall above your bed or place large furniture pieces that can fall on you when in bed (unless bolted to the wall).

For further disaster related information go to The Red Cross Website.

How perpared are you?

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

I decided to re-post this blog entry - c’mon people be prepared!

Yes, Los Angeles has earthquakes!  How prepared are you??  Lucky for you, I’m here to offer some tips and hopefully motivate you to take some action!

1) Have a kit of emergency supplies. My favorite kit can be bought directly from The Red Cross.  You can buy it online or at your local Red Cross.

2) Make a plan with your family.  Choose a convenient place to meet, should you be separated.  Pick a friend of family member outside of California to call – since local lines will be tied up.  Always keep at least a quarter of a tank of gas in your car, in case you need to leave the area.

3) Have a special place where you keep all your essential documents (drivers license/ID cards, passports, birth certificates, immunization records, RX list for each family member, insurance policies, cash, bank account and credit card numbers, and company phone numbers.)Keep copies of everything in a plastic bag and put in your kit - or scan all the documents and keep in a file on a web-based storage space. An online backup of your computer contents is a good idea, too.  Try a company like Mozy.

Okay, this might seems obvious – but don’t sleep naked!  You never know if you might need to leap out of bed in the middle of the night.  Though this could be amusing for others, it may not be for you!  Keep an extra pair of shoes by your bed, in case there’s broken glass on your exit path.  Lastly, your bed should be a sacred space.  Don’t hang anything on the wall above your bed or place large furniture pieces that can fall on you when in bed (unless bolted to the wall).

For further disaster related information go to The Red Cross Website.

Why can’t I shave my legs??

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Seriously – what is it?  Every time I shave my legs there is a patch of hair that I miss… What is up with that???  I would have to go very slowly and precisely in order to make sure I get every spot.. And who wants to do that? Shaving should be a couple of quick swishes and then its over… It’s really annoying.  Just saying…

Questions I’m asking myself post Super Bowl?

Monday, February 8, 2010

Shouldn’t the bands that perform at The Super Bowl have songs on the charts from this century?

Why would women rather go shoe shopping than watch The Super Bowl?

Why is there such a craze for hot wings and football?

Why does salty food go better with sports than sweet food?

Why do we act like the Super Bowl is some kind of holiday?

Why does curly blond hair seem so wrong on men?

Why does every TV moment have to be “sponsored by”….?

Why would anyone purposely throw themselves on the ground and have other people pile on top of them?

Would woman still want to date/marry football players if they didn’t make lots of money?

I wonder how much money was bet on this game?!?

Thinking about the future of the Web…

Monday, January 25, 2010

Can you believe that the first website was up almost 20 years ago?

Last weekend my awesome Computer Guy Daniel and I spent a full day at my parents home bringing them into this century!!  We updated their existing software and added WiFi to their home. I also gave them a laptop with a camera so now they can use Skype to speak with family and friends on the East Coast and Israel.  When we finally loaded Skype, we called a cousin to try it out.  My father was literally giddy like a school child.  He was sooo excited – very cute!

What else do we have to look forward to:  nationwide WiFi…web access from cars and TV…everything will be touchscreen or voice activated??!! 

A must read article:
“What the Web of Tomorrow Will Look Like” by Ben Parr
http://mashable.com/2010/01/24/internet-of-tomorrow-column/

What to do in the rain ALL WEEK…

Monday, January 18, 2010

For fun:
1) Stomp in puddles
2) Strip off your clothes and run naked
3) Get out your waterproof camera and go crazy
4) Put on your Wellies and belt out “Singing In the Rain”
5) Play board games
6) Jump on a trampoline
7) Drink hot chocolate with marshmallows
8) Sit by the fireplace
9) Read a great book
10) Take a nap

For something more serious:
The Los Angeles Fire Department and Bureau of Street Services have ready-to-fill sandbags available citywide. To find the nearest fire station or Street Services location, dial 311 or go to http://lafd.blogspot.com/ or http://bss.lacity.org/Resurfacing/storm.htm.

Electricity outages or downed power lines can be reported to the Department of Water and Power by calling (800) DIAL-DWP.

Clogged street drains, potholes, downed trees, and other storm-related problems can be reported by calling 311 or (866) 4-LACITY.

Agave, Schmgave…

Monday, January 11, 2010

Okay…. I finally bought a bottle of Agave at Trader Joes today…

Agave may be the “it” sweetener of 2010
By Ellen Kanner @The LA Times

Agave—it’s not just for tequila anymore. The nectar from the agave lily may be the “it” sweetener of 2010.

Sweeter than sugar, this golden liquid is less viscous than honey with the same number calories _ 60 per tablespoon. However, agave is low-glycemic (32 on the glycemic index compared to honey’s 58), which means the body converts it more slowly to sugar without blood-sugar spikes and crashes.

An ancient succulent related to aloe, agave is making its way into products from cereal (Grandy Oats organic goji agave granola, $4.99, 13 ounces) to ketchup (OrganicVille, $4.99, 24 ounces).

Because it imparts both moistness and sweetness, it’s the darling of vegan bakers from Miami’s Cynthia Olmsted of Om Garden to BabyCakes NYC’s Erin McKenna. Even spice giant McCormick calls agave an up-and-comer, and the demand is such that it’s now available in Publix’s Greenwise section (Madhava, $6.29, 23.5 ounces).

Like maple syrup, agave nectar comes in a range of grades _ neutrally sweet Light; earthier Amber and full-flavored, honeylike Dark. Unlike nutritionally null sugar, it contains calcium and iron.

Agave is also high in inulin, a water-soluble natural fiber that serves as a prebiotic, aiding digestion and enhancing immunity. Powdered Vivagave ($8.99, 7 ounces) bills itself as organic blue agave inulin, but you get inulin in liquid agave, too.

We’re just now figuring out the mysteries of a plant that’s been around for 9,000 years, and we have some catching up to do. In the meantime, go for organic agave nectar from reputable companies, including Madhava and Xagave ($8.99, 25 ounces).

I thought it was going to be magical?!?

Monday, January 4, 2010

I feel like today is the “unofficial” start of the new year.  It’s Monday, the first day back to work for most people, yada, yada…I have no idea where this idea came from but I really thought waking up this morning was going to be magical. Like the beginning of the Cinderella story – I wake up happy, gleeful and wonderfully ignorant. It’s a new year and all is good in the world.  I hum to myself – ahhh, ahhh, and the little birdies bring me my robe, and life is great.

I guess I forgot that life is not a fairy tale, ‘cause there were no birdies bringing me a cute blue ribbon for my hair.  I did waken feeling hopeful but that lasted about two minutes.  Then I immediately went to the list I created for myself of all the things I want to accomplish this year – and everything felt heavy.  I felt stuck!  I moved very slowly and was eventually able to make coffee, and then eat some chocolate (thank you, my ever loving chocolate), eventually dragging myself to the gym.  I finally made it there three hours later than usual, and let me tell you, I was soooooo glad I did.  My list is still waiting for me, weighing down my shoulders, but at least I did a kick-ass workout. So I feel ready to take on the day, if not the whole year, and maybe even one item on the list. Yay, baby!

I Can’t Live If Living Is Without You

Monday, December 28, 2009

I woke up this morning, thinking about last night and my romantic evening – and I thought I must look up the lyrics to this song. While I was searching for the lyrics, I found out that the three MAJOR ladies of music covered this song – and yes, I mean: Mariah, Celine and Whitney! But we all know Air Supply made it a hit in 1991!!

This song goes out to all the chocolate in my life! Yes, that’s you creamy and delicious milk chocolate. That also means you, strong and bold dark chocolate. White chocolate, you are the sweetest of them all. And bittersweet, I have not forgotten about you – you have a special place in my heart (especially when you’re in cookies). I love you all and can’t live without you!!!!! xxxooo Oh, and FYI - purely by coincidence I found out that today is National Chocolate Day!

So here it goes – my special tribute song:

“Without You”

by Pete Ham and Tom Evans (of Badfinger)

No, I can’t forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that’s just the way the story goes
You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows
Yes it shows

No I can’t forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrow
When I had you there but then I let you go
And now it’s only fair that I should let you know
What you should know

I can’t live if living is without you
I can’t live, I can’t give any more
Can’t live if living is without you
I can’t give, I can’t give any more

Well I can’t forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that’s just the way the story goes
You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows
Yes it shows

Can’t live if living is without you
I can’t live, I can’t give anymore
I can’t live if living is without you
I can’t live, I can’t give anymore
(Living is without you)